"Now the people became like those who complain of adversity in the hearing of the LORD; and when the LORD heard it, His anger was kindled, and the fire of the LORD burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp." (Numbers 11:1)
Your life is "miserable." Things aren't what you had expected them to be. It seems God's true peace is unobtainable, beyond your reach. When you go to the Bible for help, no specific comfort is found. Rather just "general" things like "trust," "wait," "hear," etc., things that, in and of themselves, are true and good, but in your case "leading" that seems only to extend your misery and frustration and make even more apparent the fact that you are not enjoying either the Lord's presence or real blessing in your life.
Have you considered the possibility that you have mistakenly viewed God's judgment as merely His chastening? "What's the difference," you ask. Well, there's a BIG difference. God chastens His stumbling children in love. He judges willful sinners in justice. His foolish children can expect comfort and mercy even in the midst of His chastening. Unrepentant sinners, however, can expect no comfort or peace until the sinning is dealt with according to the clear commandments of His Word, i.e., only after true biblical confession and repentance.
"If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear" (Psalm 66:18)
"Behold, the LORD’S hand is not so short that it cannot save; nor is His ear so dull that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear." (Isaiah 59:1-2)
"God is not mocked" (Gal. 6:7)
When you go to the Word, do not go with your own preconceived ideas of what (or who) is "right" and "wrong." Rather, approach the Lord in genuine humility, which can only come from a careful and, perhaps, painful self-examination founded on (1) a sincere commitment to be a "doer" of God's Word, not just "a hearer only," and (2) a sincere desire to please the Lord, not men. If you cannot do this, your prayers will be misdirected, self-serving attempts to influence the omniscient God to your way of thinking (a foolish task, indeed), instead of being a sincere pleading for help and counsel which you intend to accept and obey regardless of whatever personal cost may result.
And let me make this perfectly clear: your "externals" are completely irrelevant to the Lord, i.e., the "appearances" of your life. He sees the reality, what you truly are "in heart," and what is, therefore, your true need. So as the world might say, "Get real." Be honest with yourself. Quit playing "the pity card," and understand that, unlike those around you who may unwisely provide humanistic comfort when loving provocation is required instead, the Lord does exactly what is needed...which may be "nothing" in the moment...for He knows the true condition of your heart and the true motivation behind your words. He is Wisdom. He is Truth. He cannot be fooled. To the sincere seeker, He responds with wisdom, comfort and mercy. But to the insincere hypocrite, He responds with holy silence...or worse.
So, would you hear the Lord? Then (1) truly humble yourself, (2) obey what He has already clearly revealed in His Word, and (3) determine in your heart (remember, the Lord knows your true heart) to do whatever He counsels from His Word regarding your specific needs as He defines them.
"I know, O LORD, that a man’s way is not in himself, nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps." (Jer. 10:23)
"Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the LORD will stand." (Proverbs 19:21)
"Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in You; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)
"The unfolding [entrance] of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple...Establish my footsteps in Your word, and do not let any iniquity have dominion over me." (Psalm 119:130, 133)
"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves." (James 1:22)
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